When I started tossing around the idea of this blog I wasn’t going to address this issue. Then I realized that there are so many that, while they may not have my exact experience, can relate to it so deeply. I knew I had to share. I will touch on different aspects more throughout the blog concerning this topic and all of the aspects that come with it. So I am going to be real, super real, in hopes of reaching real people. Those that are close to me, know I’m a little bit oniony (may or may not be a real word but just roll with it). I’m “oniony” in the fact that you’ve got to go through layers to get to the core of who I am. Y’all, I get it from my momma, so it just comes naturally. With that being said, transparency here I come….
Growing up I was always a rule follower. The only thing I got in trouble for in school was talking too much, I couldn’t resist, I’m a social butterfly. I obviously wasn’t perfect, but I surely tried to make the right choices, follow after God and live an honest, good life. I never had a hell to heaven testimony. I was born into the world of Jesus and embraced it whole-heartedly. I graduated high school, went to college, traveled with my mom to minister in numerous states and married my high school sweetheart. I did it all right, right?
“It’s just a shocker because you’re Kaylee Walker and you’re divorced. That’s just something we never thought you’d be.” I heard almost those exact words from multiple people when the news of my divorce broke out. My inner voice was always screaming a million thoughts of mixed emotions full of insecurities, anger, hurt and devastation. I was the girl that followed all of those rules and after almost two years of marriage, it was over.
On this side of it I can say, what a humbling experience. I may not have had a hell to heaven testimony but I still needed the same grace of God that every other human needs. I learned what it was like to have my perfect little life turned upside down. It opened my eyes to a whole new faith in God that I had never experienced before. It doesn’t matter who you are, or how many “right” choices you make, you need Jesus. It’s just that plain and simple.
I say it was a humbling experience because I was so caught up in people’s perception of me and my “perfect” little life. With a divorce, all eyes were on me and not in good way. For the first time I had “failed” at life and I felt like I couldn’t come back from it. I felt like I’d never be good enough or achieve on a higher level because of it. I thought because of my relationship status, my life would never amount to its fullest potential. Ew, right? Right.
Then I realized that I was letting a mistake of my past shackle the potential of my future. At what point did my mistakes, out weight the mercy of God? He is gracious and forgiving, so why wasn’t I allowing Him to be in my life? I finally grasped the thought, that in order to move on in my God designed future, I had to let go of my past. My past couldn’t define my future, Jesus had to.
So here I am today, liberated from the bondage of a sad time from my past. I am so much more than a girl that got a divorce. I am a child of the Most High God. I am forgiven and chosen in Him. I am forgiven and set apart for such a time as this. I am a woman that allows the work at the cross to be applied in her life. I am more than my past, because my Savior took care of that. I had to quit viewing myself as that mistake, and see myself for much more.
I tell all of that in hopes that anything that is defining you, other than who you truly are, will be rid from you. Stop beating yourself up over something you cannot change. Instead change what you can; what defines you and your future. Let go of the thoughts that you can’t or won’t be who you were made to be because of something that you’ve done or that has happened to you. You were made for more than that! Use whatever bound you to your past as a stepping stone for what is in store for you. @@It is so freeing to know that I am not defined by my past, but instead by the one who holds my future.@@