A few months ago I attended our weekly Sunday night Cave service. If you have’t been to The Cave, then you’re missing out. It’s this passionate experience that can barely be put into words, you just have to see first hand what it’s all about. Anyway, I knew that it was going to be a monumental night, because Bishop was coming to preach, and if you haven’t heard him, you should.
I don’t know what got into me, but I cried from the moment service started until after it ended. I’m not talking about tearing up a little because Jesus’ presence was so sweet. I’m talking about ugly crying, can’t stop it from happening, cover your face girl and get it together crying. It felt like a purge of emotions and was oddly calming to me.
Bishop preached an on time word that was all up in my Kitchen, cooking up my emotions. He preached on an holy agitation that comes from the Holy Spirit, that moves you forward and is a driving force to push you into your purpose. He called for everyone to come forward for prayer and a time to solidify that message.
I.couldn’t.stop.crying. The tears wouldn’t stop. I even tried to stop it. I finally just put my arm over my face and let it happen. It was about that time that Pastor Lindsey stepped off of the stage and came straight for me. If you don’t know PL, or don’t have a person like her in your life, you need to meet her or find one. She loves you, supports you, but will 100% challenge you to reach beyond what ever seems possible. I saw her coming and didn’t know what to expect.
She approached me and said, “Kaylee, I just feel like God is calling you to go back to the dream you had when you were four. To let loose of your expectations, your parents’ expectations, your disappointments, all of it, let it go.” Surprise, surprise, I kept crying, but it went from pouring out of emotions, to a relief of them. I felt like I had permission to take the limits off that I had placed in my life along with the ones that I had let others place there. From there we talked over what that could mean and how I had so many options in front of me; I needed to force focus on the thing I had once dreamed of so long ago.
Did I know what all of that meant exactly? No. But did it cause me to step back and really seek God on the matter? Yes.It was a decluttering of my mind and heart. It was permission to step back a reevaluate things. It was permission to just be still and to allow Him to do what He wanted.
Fast forward to February of 2017, where Pastor Josh preached a message on childlike faith. It was an incredible time to go back to the basics of faith, the genesis of when we first met God. The childlike wonder, where you can just sit in certainty, that if God said it, then it must be true. I sat there that night at the end of Pastor Josh’s message and it’s like it all just clicked.
God brought to my remembrance the word that PL had given to me and connected it with what PJ had said. It took me to a time where I would sit in my back yard and converse with God. I remember lying on my trampoline and starring up at the clouds, with full certainty that He placed them there. I would look at the grass and marvel at His creation. I remember sitting in my yard by myself in full confidence that God’s hand was on my life and that not one promise would return to Him void.
It was then that I realized the dream I had when I was four, was to fulfill all the things that He called me to. It wasn't just this one specific thing that I had to do. I didn’t have to just pick one or two, but I could go after all of my dreams and they would come to pass because Abba said that it was true. The dream I had as a child was to see the things that God had spoken over my life come to pass. My dream at the age of four was without a doubt, that the desires in my heart would be a living reality.
The clarity that I have now in approaching my life, career, relationships, and hobbies stems from a place of certainty and trust that it will happen. I have the approach that I don’t have to have give up certain dreams to pursue others, rather I can go after all of them. Childlike wonder in my life is one of limitless possibilities with the assurance of The One True King working it all out for my good.
The challenge that stems from all of this is to dream with your eyes wide-open. Take the step of faith now to my your dreams a living reality. Take off the limits that confine you and go back to the beginning where you knew that the dreams that made you tick, were achievable. Lose the mentality that you have to settle for what’s in front of you, instead go after all of the things you always thought that you would. Know that the desires that are in your heart are for a purpose and KNOW that He will guide you through it all. Doubt your doubts, and believe His word to be true for you. May we never lose our wonder.